Big update after a break

I haven't blogged for awhile. I actually think the last time I did blog I had a very big secret. I knew that it would be hard to write on here without talking about it. On February 21st I got a positive pregnancy test. I decided to take another the next day and it was still positive. I tried one of my cheap ones I bought off the internet and it was obviously positive (with my chemical pregnancy, it was not obvious). This gave me a little hope - we told our parents that day or the next. Waited awhile to tell a couple close friends. 

When I went in to have an ultrasound after my miscarriage my Dr found a large cyst in my fallopian tube. He told me to come back in 6 weeks to have it checked out. I went in on March 7th and he put the wand in to do the ultrasound and said "Do you know that you're pregnant???" I really surprised him! I was measuring 5 weeks 6 days - which was right on with what I should have been (based on when I tracked my ovulation). The baby was a beautiful little speck of rice and it had a little fluttering heartbeat. I wanted to cry tears of joy! He said the heartbeat seemed kinda low (which later I found out it was 106bpm). He said "Come back in a few weeks and we'll recheck to make sure everything is progressing." I made my next appointment for April 1st. The next day I was 6 weeks pregnant and boy did my morning/all day sickness kick in. It took me a few days before I finally called my Dr and said "Is there anything you can give me to help with this?" Luckily, there was! He called me in something and James went and picked it up for me. It was a life saver. I was able to eat and function normally again. Meanwhile, we had a trip to Reno - flew on the plane (which I was nervous about) but everything went fine. We had a great time in Reno, Logan had a blast playing outside and going to lots of different parks!
We got back home and I had my ultrasound that following Monday. I went in and my Dr seemed a little worried with how my last appointment went. I guess I should have been farther along based on my last period...but I told him I ovulated late. He put the wand in - and there was my baby! Big with arms and legs! And a super fast heart rate - 176bpm. I haven't got to hear it yet, only see it. My Dr was very happy with how everything looked. He said I could take a deep breath and relax. My baby was actually measuring a few days ahead so he changed my due date to October 30th.
Just for fun I did a tarot card reading (online) and the lady predicted that I will have a girl (which I've been feeling girl since the beginning) and that she would come early (she said she saw the number 26). Maybe October 26th? That would only be a week early :)

James and I decided to pay to have an elective ultrasound done. We are having it done on May 11th when his parents are in town for Logan's 2nd birthday. I will be a little over 15 weeks - so I'm not sure how accurate the results will be, but it will be cool to have everyone there to see the baby on the ultrasound. I would love to have another little boy, just so Logan could have a brother. Every time I ask him if he wants a baby brother he says no - then I ask do you want a baby sister he says yes! He's going to be such a big helper, I can't wait to see what he's like with a sibling. Either gender I will be happy with. If it's a girl it will be so fun to have someone to get pedicures with and go shopping with :)
My morning/all day sickness comes and goes. Sometimes I go weeks without feeling sick, but these last few days I've felt pretty sick :( I've also had really sore boobs, constipation (lovely, I know), and shortness of breath (already, I'm only 11 weeks)! I have another ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday. They do a screening for Downs Syndrome and other abnormalities. I didn't do this with Logan, but it's another chance to see my baby so I wanted to do it this time. Plus, I feel like with this pregnancy I'm much more worried about everything. I just want to make our family complete! After this baby I don't think we plan on having anymore. I would love a big family but I just don't see it in our future (unless we win the lottery...that we never play).

Trying to look on the bright side!

After I had my chemical pregnancy a few friends told me that they (or) someone they knew who also had a chemical got pregnant quickly after. Supposedly you are more fertile after a miscarriage - who knows, I really haven't looked into it. I'm just hoping that when it's meant to be, it will happen.
With that being said - I don't even know when to expect my period. One of my friends told me it took her 103 days before hers came. She was further along than I was, so I'm not sure if that plays a role or not. Again, I'm trying not to stress too much! I don't feel pregnant...so I guess I'm just going to wait and listen to my body and THEN test. Before with my chemical I didn't have any symptoms besides feeling like I needed to potty more often. Maybe I would have never found out if I wasn't such an early tester? If I were to get pregnant soon my due date month would be November, which I'm okay with. I really really REALLY wanted a September baby (always have, don't know why - just did). But it's just a month, who cares!

4 weeks from tomorrow and we'll be heading off to Reno! I'm super excited to visit my in-laws. A lot of people talk about how they don't like their in-laws and can't stand them but I love mine! I feel so lucky and blessed that we all get along so well. And we all have so much fun together. They are wonderful grandparents to Logan. It makes me so happy. The only thing that would make it better is if we all lived closer to each other. We really don't live THAT far away (10-12 hour drive). It could be a lot worse.

Let down on so many levels...

Last weekend the three of us went to Newport beach and stayed 2 nights. The drive down was fine but once we got there nothing went as planned. Logan broke his sound machine, our hotel had stairs, and the layout was all funky. Luckily there was a WalMart close by and James went and picked up a new sound machine (that was terrible and we returned it on our way back home). Logan was such a handful during the whole trip. Okay, I shouldn't say the WHOLE trip...but about 95% of it. I wonder if his behavior is normal or if something is wrong with him or if WE are doing something wrong as parents. I'm going to look into some books and try and read up on his behaviors.

Saturday morning we went down and visited the Historic Newport harbor, that was pretty fun. We saw the sea lions, looked in shops, and ate lunch. When we got back to our hotel Logan would not take a nap even though he was tired. So we decided to go to the swimming pool. That was probably the funnest part of our trip :) Logan loved going swimming and was so happy! After that we hung out at the hotel for a little while longer and then decided to drive the 30-45 minutes to Lincoln City to look around at the outlet stores. Logan slept the whole way there - and he was not happy when we arrived and he had to be woken up. He was screaming and crying the whole time we were trying to shop. He didn't want to ride in the stroller, he didn't want to be carried...he wanted to walk and run around everywhere and we had to chase him. After the stores we drove back down to Depoe Bay to meet up with Eric, Joanne, & Dylan for dinner at Gracie's. They finally arrived close to 7:00pm (we were there around 6:30 and fed Logan right away). The whole time in the restaurant Logan cried and screamed and didn't want to stay in his seat. EVEN THOUGH we let him sit in a big boy chair and not a highchair. We got back to the hotel close to 9:00pm. After the boys went to sleep we played Yahtzee and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. That was fun and stress free times!

Sunday morning we all got up, James and I cooked breakfast and then we all got ready and checked out. We went to visit the Oregon Coast Aquarium. It was okay, but not worth the price they charge for admission. Which reminds me I need to write them an e-mail telling them how unhappy I am about our trip there. The kids seemed to like it but it wasn't that great for us adults. After the aquarium we decided it was time to head back home. Logan slept from Newport to Lincoln City and we made a quick stop at McDonalds for some lunch. He wouldn't sleep anymore on the way home and just wanted to cry and scream. When we got home I had lots of laundry to do and unpacking. James and I were in bed by 8:30 that night...what a weekend!

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. James got me my favorite salted caramels and some other goodies. I feel bad I didn't get him anything :( He got a Ninja Turtles shirt today so maybe that can be a late happy v day gift!
I was feeling a little sad yesterday...yesterday was the day I was planning on announcing that I was pregnant. I would be 9 weeks now...and I'm not even close to being pregnant right now. It just sucks...I know how one of my friend's feels when you've been trying and trying and your friends just keep getting pregnant before you. This is month 7 now of trying...I really hope our time comes soon. I went through a bunch of Logan's old baby clothes today. There's a lady at my work whose pregnant with a boy and she wants used clothing for her child...so I thought I would give him some of Logan's stuff that maybe wasn't my favorite. Looking through all his clothes made me realize how much I want another baby - and a boy! I'd feel so sad if I wasn't able to reuse all his cute clothes again. There are some outfits that I can't bare to get rid of...EVER! Even if we have a girl (which I will love just the same as a boy). I will save the outfits forever because they hold such sweet memories.

Something else is going on now that's really bothering me. I'm not sure who reads this (if anyone) but I don't want to post names or anything. I just feel so let down and just terrible. I can only fake being happy for so long...

You gotta keep your head up...

I've been trying to have a better outlook on trying for baby #2. I have to remember that things will happen when they are meant to be - I just really hope that I will have a baby in 2013, THIS YEAR. Thinking about 2014 seems so far away, even if I were to be due in January.

I'm trying to keep my mind busy with other stuff that's going on. Some of it's good and some of it's bad. I'll just talk about the good stuff tonight.
In two weeks (February 8th) we are going to the beach (Newport) and staying for 2 nights in my mom's timeshare. Eric, Joanne, & Dylan are suppose to come with us, but I'm not 100% sure what their plans are right now. I'm looking forward to lots of clam chowder and fun times with my family.

In eight weeks (March 22nd) we will be flying to Reno and staying for almost a whole week! I love Reno so much...I would seriously consider moving there. Maybe it's because when we go visit it's always a vacation :) I love spending time with Lou & Betty - and I know how much they love seeing Logan, James, & I. We will visit Port of Subs probably every day, haha! Okay, maybe not every day but I hope at least 3 or 4 times.

In thirteen weeks (April 26th) James and I will be celebrating our FIVE year anniversary! Five years has flown by so fast, it's crazy! Just him and I will be going to the beach (Lincoln City) for 2 nights. This will be the longest I've ever been away from Logan and I'm pretty nervous about it. We had the option to do just one night, but we are doing two. Hmmm...I'm having some second thoughts about this now!

In fifteen weeks (May 11th) we will be celebrating Logan's 2nd birthday. Wow, I'm going to have a 2 year old?!? Really? All the fun things that are going to come - potty training and learning to sleep in a big boy bed! Oh boy...he sure does keep me busy. But I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love cleaning up after him, doing his laundry, choosing to cloth diaper him (even though it's a lot of work). He's the best part of my every day! Tonight after we went to Target we decided to go into Party City and look around at birthday theme ideas. I feel like he doesn't even like Thomas anymore, it's all about Buzz! If he's still into Toy Story this much around March/April his 2nd birthday will probably be Toy Story themed. I decided I will not be going "all out" like I did for his 1st birthday. I want to keep it cute and low key and FUN for the kids who will be coming to celebrate with him. Logan's birthday this year falls ON Mother's day (a Sunday) so we will be having it on the 11th which is a Saturday.


By the time his birthday comes school will almost be out and I'll be off for 3 months with him during the summer. It's my favorite time of the year. But it makes it so hard to go back to work in September!

Never in my dreams...

I'm not sure how many people (if any) still read this - but I just need to get some things off my chest.

James and I tried to get pregnant during May, June, & July - no luck. I decided that maybe I should try and lose some weight to help my chances. When trying to conceive (Logan) we got pregnant the very first month of trying - which really shocked me/us! I lost about 25lbs and then we decided to start trying again. 
So we tried November & December...after 5 months of trying, I finally got a positive home pregnancy test! My period was 1 day late when I took the test. The line was pretty faint, but it was there. I was ecstatic! Especially after just finding out the week before that my good friend was pregnant we'd be due about a week apart! I stopped at Walgreen's on the way to work that morning and bought some Clear Blue digital tests - the ones that say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant" that way I would know for sure. I took one Friday morning and it said "Pregnant" - I then wrapped it up in a box and when I got home from work I gave it to James to open. He said he had a hunch what it was :)
We told both sets of parents, Eric, Jacque, Sarah, and a couple of my friends. I wasn't ready to announce on facebook until I got the "for sure" from my doctor after my 8 or 9 week ultrasound.
That same Friday after telling our family, I started having some brown spotting. It was only when I wiped, and it was never red like period blood. It concerned me though, because I never had it with Logan. When I called to make my 8 week appointment I told the receptionist what was going on, and she didn't seem concerned. She said if it turns red and I start cramping to call back.
The spotting went away on Monday and didn't come back till Thursday. Then on Friday (a week after telling family) I went to the bathroom at work and there was bright red blood when I wiped - I stared at the toilet paper in shock - could this really be happening??? I got up and looked in the toilet and there was a little clump or red (possibly the start of my baby)? I will never know...I stuck it out through recess duty and then headed out to my car to cry my eyes out - I called my doctors office and since it was Friday my doctor was not in, he would have to call me back. By this time I was bleeding like a period, I had no hope that I was still pregnant.
About an hour later he called and said he wouldn't be able to see me until Monday, but to just take it easy. Monday came and he did an ultrasound - no baby in my uterus (just like I thought) but there was a cyst in my right fallopian tube, which concerned him a little bit. He thought maybe I had an ectopic pregnancy and wanted me to go get my blood taken right away. 
I went to the lab and had my blood taken - they wanted me to come back in 48 hours to recheck my HCG & Progesterone levels. I went back Wednesday morning and had them rechecked. When I was leaving the lab I got a call from my doctors office, the nurse said that my blood from Monday checked out good that I had a "complete miscarriage" and that everything had cleaned itself out. That was a relief, it means I didn't have a baby in my tube. She said my doctor wants me to come back in 6 weeks to do another ultrasound and check on the cyst in my tube. I really hope by that time it has gone away. We got the "okay" to start trying again. 
I am really nervous to start trying for another baby. I don't know if I can handle getting my hopes up and then they all come falling down. What makes it really hard is a couple friends being pregnant and due in September, when my baby would have been born. They post on facebook about being pregnant and it just makes me so sad. I don't expect them to not talk about being pregnant, babies are a blessing and such a joy! I just hope that my turn comes soon. We've been trying now for 6 months...that's half a year! I really wish we could have gotten lucky again on the first month of trying.

I found this quote and it really speaks to me.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - A.A. Milne

I will always wonder and think about what my September baby would have been like. 

8 week Thanksgiving challenge

I set a goal at my Weight Watchers meeting 8 weeks ago. It was to lose 10lbs in 8 weeks. Today was my last weigh in before Thanksgiving and I made it! Over the 8 weeks I've lost 11.4lbs! I can't believe it, I feel so happy about crushing that goal. My total weight loss is now 28.2lbs. I only have 25.4lbs more to lose until I'm back at pre-pregnancy goal weight. I'd really like to reach my goal by Valentine's day OR sometime in February :) I'm fitting into jeans again that used to be tight on me. No one at work has said anything to me yet...which kinda bums me out, because almost 30lbs is a lot! I was my highest weight in the summer though (when I re-joined WW) so no co-workers saw me at my heaviest.

Anything is possible!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and Betty & Lou will be flying in. Their plane lands around 10:00am. We are so excited to see them! Tomorrow is also Betty's birthday, so we will be celebrating that as well :)

I have 5 days off now, well 4 1/2 left I guess. I'm looking forward to just relaxing and spending time with my family. I feel so lucky to have such a great family that I love so much!!!

I've got a fever...

...baby fever, that is!

I was looking on Baby Center at some of my old journal entries. I only made three, as I look back now I wish I would have made more!
I'm going to post them on here in the order I wrote them. It's so exciting to look back and think that the little unknown baby I was talking about is Logan. It makes my heart feel full of joy and love!

8/30/2010

So, this was our first month of trying for a baby. I thought I did really good by reading up on ovulation and the best time to concieve would be. My last period was August 3rd, 2010. Websites said I would get my period on August 31st and if I didn't get it I should take a test on September 3rd. I have been feeling different, not like I've ever felt before. I thought maybe it was because this is the first time in a long time that I'm not on birth control.
So on Friday the 27th I found an old pregnancy test from last year...don't worry the experation date was 2011 :) I thought "I'm going to take a test in the morning and see what it says." On Saturday morning I couldn't sleep...I woke up around 6:30am and went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I thought in my head "It's okay if there's not a pregnancy line...this is our first month trying, no big deal." I peed on the stick and waited a few seconds...nothing...and then it started to appear, very light - but it was there! I didn't know what to think of the "light line" so I went and woke up James and told him "Come look at this, I need your help!" So he came into the bathroom and he said "I see a line." I googled "Faint line on pregnancy tests" and it said "As long as there is a line, no matter how faint or dark - you are most likely pregnant."
Now I'm just in the disbelief stage where I'm thinking "Is this for real?" I am going to wait until Wednesday and I am going to take another test and if it's postive again, I will call my doctor and see what I need to do next! This is so exciting, I have wanted a baby for so long and now I might really be pregnant!!! Our baby would be due on May 10th, 2011. 


9/6/2010

On Wednesday the 1st I took a second pregnancy test - just to make sure! And it was POSITIVE!!!
Well, I am getting close to 5 weeks now. We are super excited to have this baby...I cannot believe we have to wait so long to meet our little bundle of joy! It will be worth the wait, though!
Today Target was having a sale: Buy a certain crib, get the changing table FREE. And guess what? It was the exact same crib/changing table I've been looking at! It was meant to be. So we purchased our first big item for baby.
I've been reading on here from other posts about people who are still TTC after many months. I just want to say how blessed I feel to conceive our 1st month trying. Granted, I waited over a year while I was losing weight to start trying for a baby. I really feel like since I waited until I was healthy and ready, this is the reward! 102 pounds later and pregnant right away...I can handle that.
I scheduled my 1st ultrasound for October 6th @ 4:00pm. That will put me at 9w1d. I'm going to try Amber's doctor that she had. She speaks very highly of him, and I trust her opinion very much! We've told our families and a few close friends, but other than that we are going to wait until after our doctor appointment.
Betty and Lou are coming to visit for Thanksgiving, I will be around 16 weeks then. So I'm hoping we'll be able to find out the gender before/while they are here. But with the Thanksgiving weekend, that might be impossible.
I love my baby - I can't wait to meet him OR her. Even though I've read on gender predictors it will be a BOY...which I have a really strong feeling it will be. Which I'm totally fine with, I will love either gender just as much!! I just want a healthy and happy baby

 9/18/2010

So I am 6 weeks 4 days pregnant now.
Last weekend on Saturday I started to feel really sick...and this sickness doesn't last just in the morning - it lasts ALL day
I even had to leave work early on Thursday because I was feeling so horrible. It's really hard too when I work with people and am not telling anyone yet that I'm pregnant. So I just say that my tummy hurts and my back is sore...
My first ultrasound is in 18 days, I am so excited!! I just hope that everything is fine with the baby. That's all I keep thinking about and hoping for - is a healthy baby!
I can't wait until May 10th (or around then) for my little cupcake to arrive!!! I love it so much already


It's so funny to read those old entries, brings back crazy memories of when I first found out I was pregnant and how excited I was to tell everyone!