That being said; I would like to say how much I hate my job. I cannot stand about 95% of the people I work with. They are all super cliquey and don't seem genuine. There are only about 5 people there who I think actually tried to get to know me and talk to me daily. I almost feel like I'm in high school again.
Don't even get me started on the principal. I feel like he has it out for me. He didn't even wish me a Happy Birthday when it was my Birthday. My previous boss even sent me an e-mail on my Birthday to give me wishes. I guess everyone is different about how they express their feelings.
I have a feeling I'm going to be stuck at this school forever. I'm not even sure I will have a job come September next year. Which is really scary...I don't know if we could afford me not working. The main reason I'm working now is because of the extra money (of course) and I also get really good insurance. Without my insurance we'd have to pay out of pocket each month - which would set us back more money.
Today I was thinking about when I'd want to start trying for another baby. At first I was thinking maybe at the end of this year (Logan would be close to 2 after baby was born). But I think I'm going to wait until he is actually closer to 2 before we start trying. I really want to get healthy again and enjoy my healthy body before I get pregnant (unlike last time). I'd also like to not gain so much weight next time. I'd really like Logan to have a sibling within a couple years of age to him. I think about being pregnant and giving birth again, and it scares me to death. I got through it last time - but it was the hardest most painful thing I have ever gone through :( I know...I got a beautiful, healthy baby from it. But I feel like I am mentally scarred from it. No one knows what I went through after he came out. You may know if I told you - but you haven't experienced it. I still remember laying on the operating table shaking and hearing my OB say "I've never seen anything like this before." I have to hope that my next labor will not turn out how this one did. I almost want to ask if I can have a c-section. My OB said I would have been better off with a c-section with Logan. Too bad no one knew that before he came out!
Tomorrow is Friday, I'm looking forward to the weekend! Sarah and Jacque are coming over tomorrow afternoon. We are going to go to the mall - I know Gymboree is having a big sale. I wanted to get some 9 month clothes for Logan. He's almost 8 months and still wearing his 6 month clothes. But I know he is growing fast! I weighed him yesterday and he was 16lbs 2oz. I hope he's gaining enough weight. Looks like he is around 5th or 6th percentile. To me he looks very healthy. He's not skinny or sick looking. He looks like a chubby, happy baby!
Bath time is fun!
he's definitely not chubby beyond what babies are supposed to be. i think there's a big difference between formula fed and breast fed babies too although i thought formula fed babies were supposed to be chubbier (and Isaac is a chunker lol. 4 months and Logan's size)
ReplyDeleteJosh and i of course are trying. I'm torn. I want my baby asap and i know theres no guarantee that we will even end up with a baby when i get preggers again. but at the same time i dont want to cross that line back into the 200s... maybe if i am really careful about what i eat when i'm preg ill be barely into the 200s after giving birth. im seeing changes in myself and i love it. but at the same time, i dont know that i can handle the negative tests month after month for another 4 months or whatever
i desperately want our baby before anyone else gets baby number 2... it's depressing not have #1 when we should have a 1 month old
ps youve vented to me about your work before thats why i didnt comment much. i hope things flip around for you a bit and that you find some allies at work even if the rest stays shitty.
have you thought about running an in home daycare to take care of a few kids? thats what i want to do when my mat leave is up
I thought formula fed babies were supposed to be bigger, too! Even his ped said (when he was a NB) if he gets too big from formula we might have to cut him back some.
ReplyDeleteI've read that a healthy gain during pregnancy is around 25lbs. Is that what you've read/heard too? I think 25-35 maybe...but I can't remember now. You will need to gain weight for your baby. Plus, I retained a lot of water. I lost about 20lbs within the first month. And now I have the fatty weight that I gained eating whatever I thought I could.
I understand (some of) your feelings. I say it that way because having another baby sounds great, but the pregnancy part sounds awful. I LOST 20 pounds when I was pregnant, but in the end I had gained all that back plus 10. As you know, I did have a c-section and I'm glad I did. I have a similar memory though, shaking uncontrollably on the operating table even under the heated blankets that they were putting over me. I remember Brandon getting really scared that I was still shaking so bad. We are not ready to start trying yet either, but I understand where you are coming from, I get worried each month "What if I get pregnant again this soon!??"
ReplyDeleteI just felt like I should let you know that coming from someone who just went through pregnancy too, your fear is really legit!! :)
Lyss - I have really thought about doing an in-home day care. But I feel like it's all word of mouth. I don't know if I know enough people who would want me to watch their babies. I wish I did and that's what I could do, that would be like a dream come true!!
ReplyDeleteSarah - You are so lucky you had Brandon in the room with you! I remember laying there with my eyes closed, my legs were up in these terrible slings and my whole lady area was wide open to the MANY people that were in there. Just a terrible thought, but it's nice they were trying to fix me. I wish that I could have been holding James' hand, but someone had to stay with Logan. I don't think we are going to start trying until next year sometime. Maybe next March or April. I also want to enjoy my time with Logan while I can. I know that's kinda not fair to our next child. But for right now it's hard to imagine and I could ever love another baby more than I love him (I know my heart will grow with another) it just seems impossible! I'm sure you know how I feel :)