I've been trying to have a better outlook on trying for baby #2. I have to remember that things will happen when they are meant to be - I just really hope that I will have a baby in 2013, THIS YEAR. Thinking about 2014 seems so far away, even if I were to be due in January.
I'm trying to keep my mind busy with other stuff that's going on. Some of it's good and some of it's bad. I'll just talk about the good stuff tonight.
In two weeks (February 8th) we are going to the beach (Newport) and staying for 2 nights in my mom's timeshare. Eric, Joanne, & Dylan are suppose to come with us, but I'm not 100% sure what their plans are right now. I'm looking forward to lots of clam chowder and fun times with my family.
In eight weeks (March 22nd) we will be flying to Reno and staying for almost a whole week! I love Reno so much...I would seriously consider moving there. Maybe it's because when we go visit it's always a vacation :) I love spending time with Lou & Betty - and I know how much they love seeing Logan, James, & I. We will visit Port of Subs probably every day, haha! Okay, maybe not every day but I hope at least 3 or 4 times.
In thirteen weeks (April 26th) James and I will be celebrating our FIVE year anniversary! Five years has flown by so fast, it's crazy! Just him and I will be going to the beach (Lincoln City) for 2 nights. This will be the longest I've ever been away from Logan and I'm pretty nervous about it. We had the option to do just one night, but we are doing two. Hmmm...I'm having some second thoughts about this now!
In fifteen weeks (May 11th) we will be celebrating Logan's 2nd birthday. Wow, I'm going to have a 2 year old?!? Really? All the fun things that are going to come - potty training and learning to sleep in a big boy bed! Oh boy...he sure does keep me busy. But I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love cleaning up after him, doing his laundry, choosing to cloth diaper him (even though it's a lot of work). He's the best part of my every day! Tonight after we went to Target we decided to go into Party City and look around at birthday theme ideas. I feel like he doesn't even like Thomas anymore, it's all about Buzz! If he's still into Toy Story this much around March/April his 2nd birthday will probably be Toy Story themed. I decided I will not be going "all out" like I did for his 1st birthday. I want to keep it cute and low key and FUN for the kids who will be coming to celebrate with him. Logan's birthday this year falls ON Mother's day (a Sunday) so we will be having it on the 11th which is a Saturday.
By the time his birthday comes school will almost be out and I'll be off for 3 months with him during the summer. It's my favorite time of the year. But it makes it so hard to go back to work in September!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Never in my dreams...
I'm not sure how many people (if any) still read this - but I just need to get some things off my chest.
James and I tried to get pregnant during May, June, & July - no luck. I decided that maybe I should try and lose some weight to help my chances. When trying to conceive (Logan) we got pregnant the very first month of trying - which really shocked me/us! I lost about 25lbs and then we decided to start trying again.
So we tried November & December...after 5 months of trying, I finally got a positive home pregnancy test! My period was 1 day late when I took the test. The line was pretty faint, but it was there. I was ecstatic! Especially after just finding out the week before that my good friend was pregnant we'd be due about a week apart! I stopped at Walgreen's on the way to work that morning and bought some Clear Blue digital tests - the ones that say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant" that way I would know for sure. I took one Friday morning and it said "Pregnant" - I then wrapped it up in a box and when I got home from work I gave it to James to open. He said he had a hunch what it was :)
We told both sets of parents, Eric, Jacque, Sarah, and a couple of my friends. I wasn't ready to announce on facebook until I got the "for sure" from my doctor after my 8 or 9 week ultrasound.
That same Friday after telling our family, I started having some brown spotting. It was only when I wiped, and it was never red like period blood. It concerned me though, because I never had it with Logan. When I called to make my 8 week appointment I told the receptionist what was going on, and she didn't seem concerned. She said if it turns red and I start cramping to call back.
The spotting went away on Monday and didn't come back till Thursday. Then on Friday (a week after telling family) I went to the bathroom at work and there was bright red blood when I wiped - I stared at the toilet paper in shock - could this really be happening??? I got up and looked in the toilet and there was a little clump or red (possibly the start of my baby)? I will never know...I stuck it out through recess duty and then headed out to my car to cry my eyes out - I called my doctors office and since it was Friday my doctor was not in, he would have to call me back. By this time I was bleeding like a period, I had no hope that I was still pregnant.
About an hour later he called and said he wouldn't be able to see me until Monday, but to just take it easy. Monday came and he did an ultrasound - no baby in my uterus (just like I thought) but there was a cyst in my right fallopian tube, which concerned him a little bit. He thought maybe I had an ectopic pregnancy and wanted me to go get my blood taken right away.
I went to the lab and had my blood taken - they wanted me to come back in 48 hours to recheck my HCG & Progesterone levels. I went back Wednesday morning and had them rechecked. When I was leaving the lab I got a call from my doctors office, the nurse said that my blood from Monday checked out good that I had a "complete miscarriage" and that everything had cleaned itself out. That was a relief, it means I didn't have a baby in my tube. She said my doctor wants me to come back in 6 weeks to do another ultrasound and check on the cyst in my tube. I really hope by that time it has gone away. We got the "okay" to start trying again.
I am really nervous to start trying for another baby. I don't know if I can handle getting my hopes up and then they all come falling down. What makes it really hard is a couple friends being pregnant and due in September, when my baby would have been born. They post on facebook about being pregnant and it just makes me so sad. I don't expect them to not talk about being pregnant, babies are a blessing and such a joy! I just hope that my turn comes soon. We've been trying now for 6 months...that's half a year! I really wish we could have gotten lucky again on the first month of trying.
I found this quote and it really speaks to me.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - A.A. Milne
I will always wonder and think about what my September baby would have been like.
James and I tried to get pregnant during May, June, & July - no luck. I decided that maybe I should try and lose some weight to help my chances. When trying to conceive (Logan) we got pregnant the very first month of trying - which really shocked me/us! I lost about 25lbs and then we decided to start trying again.
So we tried November & December...after 5 months of trying, I finally got a positive home pregnancy test! My period was 1 day late when I took the test. The line was pretty faint, but it was there. I was ecstatic! Especially after just finding out the week before that my good friend was pregnant we'd be due about a week apart! I stopped at Walgreen's on the way to work that morning and bought some Clear Blue digital tests - the ones that say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant" that way I would know for sure. I took one Friday morning and it said "Pregnant" - I then wrapped it up in a box and when I got home from work I gave it to James to open. He said he had a hunch what it was :)
We told both sets of parents, Eric, Jacque, Sarah, and a couple of my friends. I wasn't ready to announce on facebook until I got the "for sure" from my doctor after my 8 or 9 week ultrasound.
That same Friday after telling our family, I started having some brown spotting. It was only when I wiped, and it was never red like period blood. It concerned me though, because I never had it with Logan. When I called to make my 8 week appointment I told the receptionist what was going on, and she didn't seem concerned. She said if it turns red and I start cramping to call back.
The spotting went away on Monday and didn't come back till Thursday. Then on Friday (a week after telling family) I went to the bathroom at work and there was bright red blood when I wiped - I stared at the toilet paper in shock - could this really be happening??? I got up and looked in the toilet and there was a little clump or red (possibly the start of my baby)? I will never know...I stuck it out through recess duty and then headed out to my car to cry my eyes out - I called my doctors office and since it was Friday my doctor was not in, he would have to call me back. By this time I was bleeding like a period, I had no hope that I was still pregnant.
About an hour later he called and said he wouldn't be able to see me until Monday, but to just take it easy. Monday came and he did an ultrasound - no baby in my uterus (just like I thought) but there was a cyst in my right fallopian tube, which concerned him a little bit. He thought maybe I had an ectopic pregnancy and wanted me to go get my blood taken right away.
I went to the lab and had my blood taken - they wanted me to come back in 48 hours to recheck my HCG & Progesterone levels. I went back Wednesday morning and had them rechecked. When I was leaving the lab I got a call from my doctors office, the nurse said that my blood from Monday checked out good that I had a "complete miscarriage" and that everything had cleaned itself out. That was a relief, it means I didn't have a baby in my tube. She said my doctor wants me to come back in 6 weeks to do another ultrasound and check on the cyst in my tube. I really hope by that time it has gone away. We got the "okay" to start trying again.
I am really nervous to start trying for another baby. I don't know if I can handle getting my hopes up and then they all come falling down. What makes it really hard is a couple friends being pregnant and due in September, when my baby would have been born. They post on facebook about being pregnant and it just makes me so sad. I don't expect them to not talk about being pregnant, babies are a blessing and such a joy! I just hope that my turn comes soon. We've been trying now for 6 months...that's half a year! I really wish we could have gotten lucky again on the first month of trying.
I found this quote and it really speaks to me.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - A.A. Milne
I will always wonder and think about what my September baby would have been like.
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